I’m referring to this post, and okay so…

Short answer – I am overwhelmed.

Long answer – I’m overwhelmed and here’s why:

Someone asked me a couple weeks ago what my next 10 blog posts were going to be and I said “I don’t know because I haven’t lived that yet” and see, I’m finding it difficult to find a balance between blogging, making episodes, exploring, learning about Canada, responding and writing to people online, and just like, living.  I’ve caught myself a handful of times thinking, “oh this’ll make a good post” or “this’ll be good footage” but then I don’t do it because it’d be a lie.   

And so I freeze up, deer in the headlights and all of that.  Like, I installed Tweetdeck the a few days ago, opened it, took one look and have since left it closed.  OMG I have trouble keeping on top of my own life, how you keep up with each other is impressive to me.  And Facebook, and other people’s blogs, and and and.  It’s not that I’m not interested, I just can’t seem to get ontop of it all.  

So I’ll work and work and you can kinda tell by my blogs’ up and downs where this has happened… I’ll keep going until I can’t see straight then my blog gets really light for a few days while I recover.  Absolute inefficiency.  I wonder how I’m supposed to learn better time management skills.

I’ve been actively online only since February of this year, so I suppose I need to remember that… like, I used to find it took a real presence of mind to remember to Tweet every day, now it’d feel odd not to.  Everything takes time I guess, and boy do I abhor that expression.

And my Blackberry started malfunctioning last week, my external backup hard drive does weird things when I hook it up, my laptop’s keyboard disables itself at least once a day, I should be using Picassa for all my photos so I can geotag them for “THE Map of Canada” I have started, I should launch that map, I should create a Facebook Fan Page, [insert lame cloning-myself joke here].

Then I get to thinking about how enormous this country is, and HOW am I supposed to document the thing if I’m struggling with getting an episode / week out?  I shoulda started off by being… what’s the smallest country… ‘The Monaco Explorer’.  Or the ‘Vatican City Explorer’, except then there’d be run-ins with those Swiss Guards, who are supposedly the toughest in the world.

And I won’t even talk about my ‘Gold Silver & Bronze Advertising Program’ that I’ve yet to launch.  I am scared, yes scared, for when I start that at how I’m gonna handle all that, too.

Please know I’m not complaining here, I’m just saying, just wanted you to know.  If I didn’t love all this I wouldn’t do it, I do love a challenge, but just needed to get this off my proverbial chest. 

And no, I don’t want a team of people for this project, it’s a solo mission and that’s the best way.  I’ve tried in the past partnering with people and it weighs it down.  A new friend recently wrote to me, “would you really want to risk the magaement of your brand image to a fan?” and the answer was “NO”.  Then he told me to “suck it up” and I liked that part too. 

I’m gonna have to leave to start my cross-country trip sometime, right?  When I made my Manifesto Episode I had in mind the beginning of October.  Then I binned that and thought, “I can’t even get this all together while sleeping in the same spot every night, no way”.  But another new friend recently wrote me this, “Don’t get comfortable in Toronto, and definitely don’t wait for sponsors or a network before you get moving”.  And that had the ring of truth to it, as things you need to hear often do.

I imagine if I looked back a year from now, still living in the same spot, exploring just around Toronto and the surrounding areas, well I’d be kicking myself.  Then I go one step further and think, “well, I have to go sometime, and necessity is the mother of all inventions so yaaaaa”.   

So blah blah blah maybe I just need to bite the bullet and hit the road going west in October.  There are Olympics that need to be covered out there.  And a set of DVDs in my head that need to be made, and ‘Blog Parties’ that must be thrown.  

Any advice please leave it in the comments, and thank you for listening to me vent.